Understanding Bereavement

It is quite normal to see a person who has died, to hear their voice, sense their presence, or find yourself talking to them. It can often happen when you least expect it, as if the mind has temporarily ‘forgotten’ that they have died, or because the brain is trying to process the death and acknowledge the finality of it.

Anger is a completely normal part of grief. You may find yourself facing family, financial and domestic responsibilities which you don’t feel able to cope with. You may even feel angry with someone you feel is responsible in some way for the death. You may feel angry with the person who has died for leaving you. These are all normal responses to feeling out of control, powerless and abandoned.

People often feel very anxious after someone dies, sometimes this can result in feeling panicky, breathless or having palpitations. A full panic attack can be a very frightening experience. It can make you feel dizzy or confused, faint or even be sick. There are some simple things you can do which some people find helpful, such as trying breathing exercises. If the feelings don’t improve or you are struggling to cope you should contact your GP.

This is a common reaction, particularly where the death was sudden and unexpected, or occurred in traumatic circumstances. It is the mind’s way of dealing with what has happened. However sometimes after a traumatic experience people become very disturbed by mental images, which in a severe form can become Post-Traumatic-Stress Disorder (PTSD). You should consult your GP or other professional

Feeling numb is common in the early days after a bereavement. The shock can have this effect, and some people at first carry on as if nothing has happened. It is hard to believe that someone important is not coming back. Many people feel disorientated – as if they have lost their place and purpose in life or are living in a different world.

People react to grief in very different ways. Some people find they cry very frequently and may be overwhelmed by the strength of their emotions. Others may feel numb for some time or feel unable to cry. Some people experience swings between extremes. All reactions are common. People’s responses are affected by many things, including personality, upbringing and culture, and it doesn’t necessarily reflect how you felt about the person who died.

Sometimes it is just when you think you should be feeling better that you feel as if you are falling apart. In the early days following a bereavement, family and friends often rally round and it is only later, when everyone has gone home and you are left with your grief, that the reality of the death hits you. The physical and emotional loneliness can be very hard to bear. There is no time limit on grief. If you feel that you are struggling with your emotions or that you are not coping with life, then it may be time to seek help and support.

Grief can affect your whole system. There are other aches and pains which people often report after they have been bereaved. It can also affect your sleep and digestion and reduce your ability to fight off minor infections. These are normal reactions to distress and loss and should pass in time. But you may want to consult your GP if your symptoms persist then you should seek help from your GP immediately.  Any further support can be found here

Sleep disruption is very common after someone dies. You may find sleep is impossible, and your mind is constantly racing. Sometimes people are frightened to go to sleep – bad dreams and nightmares are common. Sometimes people tell us that they also dread those dreams where the person is still alive, and find the moment of waking and remembering each day very painful. Some people also find they need to sleep more than before and struggle to stay awake in the day. If sleep problems, go on for more than a week or so you should consult your GP.

It’s common to lose your appetite and find it difficult to eat after someone dies, especially in the early days. It may feel impossible to swallow and food may taste strange. Some people experience the opposite and find they are eating more than usual, or without thinking. Digestive upsets are also common, and it can feel similar to being constantly stressed and anxious. It’s very normal but consult your GP if symptoms don’t ease, or if you find you lose or gain a lot of weight.